


Stay Alive (We're Real)

by deanbennylife (kams_log)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Existential Crisis, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Vague References to Suicide, Vampire!Benny, benny was saved from purgatory, past canonical death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 04:11:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3796234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kams_log/pseuds/deanbennylife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We’re real, Benny. This is real.” His hands tightened around Benny’s arms, holding him still and close. For the life of him, Dean had no idea how they got here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay Alive (We're Real)

**Author's Note:**

> I was having some angst over how dean and benny parted ways and wanted a saved benny. but i still needed to get some of the angst out over what was going on with benny emotionally. i hope i did it at least a little bit of justice. 
> 
> this was supposed to be a drabble. but my words get away from me and i ramble. i apologize in advance.

“We’re real, Benny. This is real.” His hands tightened around Benny’s arms, holding him still and close. For the life of him, Dean had no idea how they got here.

He knew things had been bad since his friend came back from Purgatory. They’d been trying to make it work; damn, Dean knew he was doing the best he could. But earth just wasn’t the same world he and Benny had once been trapped in together. Once upon a time, all they had to worry about was moving forward and chopping off any head that got in the way.

But here? Nothing was the same. There were other things to think about now. Like where Benny was going to get the blood he needed, or how the hell they could get away with a hunter and a vampire working together on jobs. It’d been hard enough getting Sam to accept Benny. But other hunters? Dean would happily tell them to all screw off and leave them be. But life was no longer so simple. They couldn’t get away with just walking away.

He knew Benny wasn’t doing well. It wasn’t easy to get the blood they needed for him. More than once Dean had offered to just donate his own blood, but Benny had firmly opposed the thought. He didn’t trust himself, even if Dean did.

Dean wanted to believe Benny’s increasingly darkening moods were because of the hunger, or the stress of living life as a human in a world that didn’t believe in him. Those that did believe in him wanted him dead. Dean just wanted him to live. He wanted Benny to stay.

He nearly lost his mind when he woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Benny’s truck rumbling away. He didn’t even stop to put on a jacket or shoes. He ran out in his shirt and pajama bottoms and hopped in his Impala, floored the gas, and sped off like a rocket after his friend.

Benny didn’t take nightly drives. He rarely ever took drives now that he was living with Sam and Dean in the bunker. It was the only reason Dean panicked.

He spotted Benny’s truck parked on an abandoned bridge. He ran out and saw Benny leaning against the guard railing, just staring out at the water ahead and below.

“It’s not real, Dean,” he said, voice dark and empty. Dean’s stomach flipped and he stood close to his friend.

“It’s real, Benny,” Dean replied. He reached out to touch Benny’s shoulder, but he pulled away. “It’s all real, and whatever you’re thinking about, don’t. Come home with me.”

Benny stared ahead, unblinking in the moonlight. “Where’s home?” He said finally. “This ain’t home, brother. I don’t fit, Dean. I don’t _belong_ here. Never did.”

Dean remembered some of those same words from a different time, nearly a lifetime ago. He’d killed Benny to save his brother. Never again.

He reached out his hand again. This time Benny didn’t pull away. He leaned into the touch and sighed, running a hand across his face tiredly.

“You do fit, Benny. You fit with us, with me and Sam. If the rest of the world disagrees, they can shove it. You belong with us.” _You belong with_ me, Dean thought. Benny stared ahead quietly.

“It don’t feel real, is all.”

Dean shook his head, his hand tightening on Benny’s arm.

“We’re real, Benny. This is real.”

Benny looked at him. There was a tired set to his eyes that pained Dean’s heart. “What’s real then?”

Dean pulled closer. They were only a few inches apart, and Dean could see Benny’s hard face clearly outlined in the night lights above them. The blue in his eyes was unearthly, something made out of dreams or nightmares or both. Dean saw those eyes in his sleep. He saw them when he was awake. He didn’t want them to disappear from him.

“Home’s real,” Dean finally replied. “Family’s real. You’re family, Benny. Always have been.”

“Until when?” Benny asked. “Until you realize I really am a monster? Until I lose my head and turn on you and your brother? How long does family last when one of them’s a vampire.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Dean growled. “We’re all monsters, Benny. But there are good ones out there too. That’s what we try to be. So if we have to be one family of monsters, I’m okay with that. But you’re not leaving. You hear me?”

Benny nodded, but he didn’t look convinced. Dean sighed and loosened his grip on Benny’s arm. His hand trailed down to cover Benny’s own. The feeling of skin on skin made Dean shiver, but he bottled his nerves down. It was time to step up and be a man. He could do whatever he needed to for family. And Benny was more than family.

“Give us another chance,” Dean said quietly. “Give _me_ another chance. If you feel like you don’t belong, then belong to us. To me.” His jaw stiffened against the emotion inside him. Benny stared at him, his big eyes growing impossibly wider. His lips tightened into a thin line. His hand tightened around Dean’s and he sighed inwardly.

“You sure you wanna’ take it on?” Benny asked finally. A weak grin tugged at Dean’s face.

“Never been surer of anything else,” Dean replied.

They stayed on that bridge a long time. And when they finally went back to the bunker, it was truly home.

**Author's Note:**

> deanbennylife.tumblr.com


End file.
